April 22, 2008

Rant: Why rock radio makes me want to eject the contents of my stomach out of my mouth

OK. So this complaint may be akin to kicking the crap heap when it's already down - and I'm talkin' reeking gutter garbage, completely unredeemable, olestra-induced anal leakage trash. But during an innocent attempt to pinpoint a soundtrack for a run-of-the-mill car-parking exercise tonight, I stumbled upon 107.7 "The Bone," which was in the midst of airing, for all classic rock-loving Bay Area ears, "Crazy Bitch" by L.A. glam rockers Buckcherry. Hellooo, nausea. Now it's not that Buckcherry's music is necessarily unbearable. Sure, their songwriting shows all the complexity of a mascara wand, but it's to be expected. But what, pray tell, is up with these appalling, inbred, misogynistic lyrics, and rock radio's wholehearted embracement? Sample: "Hey!/ You're a crazy bitch/ But you fuck so good I'm on top of it ... Baby girl/ You want it all/ To be a star you'll have to go down/ Take it off/ No need to talk/ You're crazy but I like the way you fuck me! ... You jump in bed with fame/ Another one night paid in full/ You're so fine/ It won't be a loss/ Cashing in the rocks/ Just to get you face to face." Blech. Yeah, Buckcherry are good ole boys who must revel in all the groupie sex their dicks can withstand, seeing as how their later years (coming soon!) won't be clouded with memories of critical acclaim, winning awards or having created music featuring the slightest sapling of creativity. And way yeah, corporate radio does still suck. But the song's message should make all people, not just women, vomit. To be "stars," ladies, apparently entails getting on our knees. Oh, what crazy bitches we are! How could I resist the allure of fucking a rock star who treats me like a prostitute? Now, I'd never advocate censorship, but do people actually enjoy singing along to this primitive babble, and is it popular enough to merit radio airplay? Keep in mind, this song isn't some flashback to '80s hair metal - it was released in 2006!?! Actually, maybe ignorance is bliss and inquiring minds don't really want to know.

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