Sorry, Weezer: I'm passing on the cookies.

So I hate the Internet sometimes. It spoils us. Spoils. We are little brats who can't wait until an album is released before dipping our fingers in and taking a sweet lick. I mean, everybody knows that chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven won't taste as good as the dough we can't help but sample before the baking process. We perpetually fuck ourselves into losing situations. That's why I'm disappointed in myself for reading music blogs so much. Earlier this week, Stereogum deemed Weezer's latest endeavor, another self-titled affair known by the signature color on its cover, "Red," all but crap -- meaning I'll most likely pass on buying a copy when it's released Tuesday. Not that Stereogum knows all. It's just that deep down, I know they're right. Weezer really hasn't put out a good, or even OK, album for a solid 10 years. Especially not the one with "Beverly Hills." But I had hopes. Their newest single, "Pork and Beans," a bratty ("I'm 'a do the things that I want to / I ain't got a thing to prove to you"), pop rock three minute opus, hearkens back to the good old Blue days; like sugary salmonella-threatened cookie dough; my favorite new car jam. I even threw down 99 cents on iTunes. I'll still give the album a shot -- in free, online doses, though. My $12 is now reserved for the new Wolf Parade. Their cookies taste even better fully cooked.

Show preview: White Rabbits @ Bottom of the Hill, 5/27/08

This is Jeopardy. Shall we? Category: Rock music bands who will play in San Francisco tonight Answer: Adam, Alex, Gregory, Jamie, Matt and Stephen Question: Who are six guys with quite ordinary names that compose an extraordinary Brooklyn-based gang of indie rockers called White Rabbits? Correct. Contestant #2 takes the lead with $3,200. White Rabbits, who released an overlooked diamond in the rock rough with last year's Fort Nightly, play your typical indie rock songs, but with a twist -- the sweet melodies won't make you barf. That's because they throw in a pinch of Vampire Weekend tropical percussion, a heap of Man Man's maniacal piano tinkerings (and engaging madmen singalongs) and top it off with a sprinkle of Jeff Buckley's haunted honeysuckle croon for an end concoction that's as dark as it is addictive. Yum. So check them out tonight at Bottom of The Hill. Get smitten. And save your Alice in Wonderland jokes for the ride home. White Rabbits w/ Miles Benjamin Anthony Robinson, Company Car. Bottom of the Hill. 9 p.m. $12. White Rabbits "Kid On My Shoulders" Photo by Lucy Hamblin/WhiteRabbits.com

Word abuse: fitting

Oh, how everything in music is just so "fitting."

Music writers worship at the altar of this adjective as if throwing it in will push reviews full circle and illustrate an artist's achievement of "completion in sound."

It's a nice wrap-up word, sure, and has become a glorified synonym for "appropriate" or "good," so at least you know where a writer is coming from. But it also heaps more credit onto bands when it's not necessarily due - as if the already inflated egos of rock music wankers need any more stroking. "Ho, wow, golly gee - this band has sure figured out the perfect way to round out its sound! They really know what fits."

Honestly, though: "Fitting" is overused and abused to the point of ceasing to mean anything.

Perennial black eyes:

"Abbey Road was a fitting swan song for the group ..."

"Blue Lambency Downwards makes for a fitting and absorbing soundtrack ..."

"Manges' buzzsaw rock is a fitting match for the catchy music of the Queers."

"It's fitting that the Kid Rock revival got started when the Beastie Boys featured him in their Grand Royal magazine ..."

"Each song is fitting and substantial, wetting the musical appetite, winning over listeners with its notorious jam-band flavors."

"Ending with 'Look at Me Mom,' this is a fitting close to this spectacular collage of original rock music worthy of national release."

Sorry to break it to you, pop judges: Fitting "fitting" into your music evaluations fails in its intended grandiosity. Because really, isn't everything fitting? Time for a new addition to your language wardrobe.

Treasure Island Music Festival! Sept. 20-21

Nevermind Tegan and Sara. TV On The Radio, Spiritualized, Vampire Weekend, The Raconteurs, Aesop Rock, Justice, The Dodos ... ice cream ... This. Cannot. Be. Missed.

Get smitten: Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin

Before you read the name of the next indie-pop sensations Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin, hop aboard the Joseph McCarthy ignoramus bus and deem them pinkos, take a listen and you'll quickly discover that the Springfield, Mo., quartet make up a quintessentially American, guys-from-next-door sorta group; the kind of band that could compose the perfect soundtrack to John Cusack films circa '86; that could introduce each and every song with "This is a song about love"; that shops for collars and khakis at Aberzombie and Fitch. Not too many indie-pop acts can claim victory in the battle of bland, but SSLYBY manage to overcome sugary sweet dullness with solid, irresistibly bouncy melodies and -- really -- massive testicular gravitas in an engagingly rocking live set. Think The Shins and Vampire Weekend. For all their sonic magnetism, I've got a non-musical quibble. Dudes: How about a shorter band name? Even SSLYBY ties the tongue. Oh well. Check out "Oregon Girl":

Word abuse: set the tone

Set the tone. Let's file this loopy language loser with the Department of Redundancy. Riddle me this: When does the first track on a CD not "set the tone" for the rest of the album? I mean, unless it's a compilation of different artists, of course the first song will "set the tone" and sound like the fifth track, and the eighth, and the ninth and the closer. The same band wrote and played all of the songs. Domestic violence: "The first track on Brenda Xu's new EP, 'Count To Ten' not only sets an interesting tone for the disc but also ..." "In the opening tracks, 'April Loved John' sets the tone with simple rootsy melodies while 'Fiasco,' a toe-tapping ..." "Album opener 'Bells And Whistles' sets the tone for the whole album" "The first track on the album, 'Angry,' is a solid one, and helps set the tone and tie the rest of the nine songs together." "Whoever made the choice to use this as the opening song on the album made an excellent decision, cause not only does it set the tone for the album but it ..." No shite, Sherlocke. Then again, maybe it's just a kind way to suggest that a band follows a formula.

Listen to your brain's jukebox

Usually when annoying songs insist on getting stuck in our heads it's because we've heard them recently. Maybe the song was just playing on the radio, in a TV commercial, in a department store. Fridge buzz in your ear, blech, whatever. But if you haven't heard a song recently, don't particularly care for it, have no good reason to justify it running through your head repeatedly, maybe it's in there for another reason. A subconscious thought crasher. An inner psychological/spiritual guide manifested in the form of a crappy pop tune. This has been my reality for the past few weeks. My archenemy in song, "Stop!" by more-enthused-than-you-can-possibly-fathom punk band Against Me!, has invaded my brain's song cycle repeatedly, randomly, prompted by seemingly nothing. My precious little neurons sing one particular passage to each other, over and over, loud: "Stop/ take some time to think/ figure out what's important to you/ you've got to make a serious decision" Could this song I despise be trying to tell me something? Against Me! "Stop!"

Metallica and Sigur Ros want to know: Are you in?

How the hell did music fans ever manage to contain their excitement for a band's impending album release before the Interweb came around? I mean, these days only music purebloods and the Amish wait for an official release date before snacking on appetizers of the record - album title, track names, cover art, single, other snippets, or drip drip drip, a leaked main course. All surface as music blog "news" long beforehand - really, before the band even makes its decisions. (Seriously though - do people actually get worked up over the "news" of an album title unveiling? Time for a new hobby.) For some, it's like wanting to learn the sex of your baby so that you'll know to buy the powder pink footsie outfit instead of the periwinkle blue one. This week two bands on disparate ends of the rock spectrum and world geographical landscape launched respective, and in some cases, respectable online efforts to generate enthusiasm for their upcoming albums. There's the Metallica sneak peak. Geez, it's a good thing these guys aren't desperate for attention. Maybe next time their album preview site will be a bit flashier. Iceland's Sigur Ros also posted studio footage, album art ruminations and portions of songs in short-video blips, a reminder, really that Sigur Ros is an ensemble that begs to be heard in its entirety. In a good way. Guess their intended result has been realized, sneaky Icelanders, them. (Relatedly, they'll be touring soon too. But unless you're trekking to Europe or Mexico, better hope your residence lies in a locale beginning with the letter "Omaha" and ending in "Nebraska," or somewhere East of thar.) Truth told, maybe Web sites are the new single. Unless, that is, you're Nine Inch Nails, and roll out of bed one day and decide. "Hey. I've got a new album. I think I'll put it out right now. For free."

CD review: Raised by Robots - "The Auctioneer"

Reputedly composed of two landscape architects and a chemical engineer, San Francisco trio Raised by Robots shares its discovery of the ultimate in after-work creativity on the kitchen sink debut The Auctioneer. The album at first falls prey to a diagnosis of multiple personality disorder, but further listening reveals a rather fun fusion of genres. Verses may start out in the key of rock, but that’s only before choruses groove into rap, stage dive onto punk and slow dance with soul. The bass-guitar-drums instrumentation remains impermeable throughout the shifting styles and numerous time changes of the album’s 12 high-energy songs, sometimes weaving a hip-hop beat into a surf guitar riff (“The Graveyard Shift”), other times allowing a grave punk intro to spark a catchy indie pop melody (“Cynicism”). Singer/guitarist Cameron Spies, who often employs talky double-tracked vocals, isn’t afraid to get gutsy behind the mic. He adopts both a Justin Timberlake falsetto and Dose One mile-a-minute rap within the span of “A Corporeal Complex.” However, such a compelling vocal presence paired with hyperactive, attention-grabbing music often leaves Spies’ lyrics lost in the shuffle. Album standouts include “6ircles,” which seduces with equal parts Red Hot Chili Peppers funk ballad and TV on the Radio soul song, the subtle “White Eyelids” whose urgent breakdowns and Isaac Brock staccato shouts enter Modest Mouse territory, and the contemplative “There Is Always Something Better,” which offers a sparseness that finishes the record on an epic note. While too many ingredients may initially detract listeners looking to taste a more cohesive recipe, The Auctioneer’s unique and infectious spirit makes Raised by Robots’ prognosis look good. (Self-released) Published in West Coast Performer, May 2008

Word abuse: darlings

Oh, it's just so *cute* when individuals devote countless hours to learn musical instruments; track down others to collaborate as a multifaceted ensemble; practice day after day to compose recordings that don't sound like garbage; spill heart and blood and tears and soul and guts and sweat into songs, which will then be subject to judgment by hack arbiters embittered that they themselves can't play.

Guess that's why music writers love to call good bands "darlings" so much. Because art and self expression are just so damn adorable!

31 flavors and then some - just about every style of music has its darling:

"Indie darlings Signal Hill Transmission have crafted a fine-tuned ..."

"Folk-rock darlings the Indigo Girls are back to celebrate their ..."

"Country music darlings Carrie Underwood, Kellie Pickler and Taylor Swift cheer on the Nashville Predators as they ..."

"Hip-hop darlings Hilltop Hoods played the event last year and ..."

"The latest from Finland's current black metal darlings does not disappoint ..."

Don't you just wanna pinch some cheeks?

Autolux other/other/rock

Autolux has had a new addition to the family for about a week now. So don't be a dick - go welcome baby "Audience No. 2" on their MySpace page. Rinse and repeat.

Sorta CD review: Nine Inch Nails "The Slip"

Hardy har, "Nine Inch Nails give fans The Slip." Oh, what a field day Monday was for news editors, what with that irresistible kneeslapper of a headline to announce NIN's latest full-length offering was made available as a free download. Yes, we all know Trent Reznor gives. And he gives again. The guy's a giver, a sower. And us fans taketh away. Let the reaping begin. Despite Reznor's recently prolific output (and before you get the wrong idea), Reznor didn't raid the shitpile for The Slip. These aren't throwaway tracks hastily slapped together to garner press preceding the upcoming NIN tour. Though on first listen - blaring from shitty computer speakers as I got distracted by other fun things - I didn't think too highly of the album's 10 tracks. Same old industrial rock lite talking about depressing things like isolation, numbness and feeling really pissed off. Created quite the cacophony with the fridge buzz, though. But during a later-night rendezvous, I can now say I get it. Sitting in near-dark the second time 'round listening through earbuds, I discovered The Slip is a headphones album. (Or maybe this discovery simply speaks to the poor quality of my sound system. Accepting donations now.) With Trent & Co. piping directly into my eardrums and the fuzzy fusion of sounds coming through all the more clearer (seriously - a crying baby AND an angry cat's meow on "Corona Radiata"), I decided that these are more of the same old NIN songs, but fuck it - they're still anthems. And there's no argument that holds water against an anthem, kids. General impressions and standouts: adore the drum and bass intensity lurking behind breakneck "Letting You"; the main fuzzy riff of "Discipline" totally sounds like a slowed-down "The Hand That Feeds"; "Head Down" transcends all that cold machine crackle with a blissful chorus and dreamy synth. And let me announce my favorite, the hot and heavy makeout anthem of '08 for goths, vampires and other lovers of the dark: the slithery stealth groove of instrumental "The Four of Us Are Dying." Mwah. Nine Inch Nails – The Four of Us are Dying Nine Inch Nails – Head Down

Tightwads,Tom Waits fans: Rejoice!

I'm hardly into bluegrass, but strictly into cheap live musical festivities. So in the spirit of artistic exploration and honoring events that don't trick you into purchasing $225 three-day passes (that you don't really want) or try to scam you with greedy fuckwit service-charges, I'll put up with thousands of blubbery middle-aged asses shaking (completely out of rhythm to the music, of course) for this year's Hardly Strictly Bluegrass festival Oct. 3-5 in Golden Gate Park. Kiss me, free festival, you. Gogol Bordello, Bonnie Prince Billy and Robert Plant, not in his Zep costume but with Alison Krauss and T-Bone Burnett (Autolux producer), among others, are mighty worth a trek to the park. Just as Tom Waits, who announced his "Glitter and Doom" summer tour this morning in a Sebastopol press conference, is worth an 11-hour drive to Phoenix on June 17. Doubt Waits' capacity to lure out-of-state rock revelers to McWar, ahem, McCain territory? Check out exhibit A, highlights from today's press conference:

CD review: Years Around The Sun "Inva De Siva"

One test of a good song is whether it can be stripped bare and still succeed in its naked simplicity. Though San Diego four-piece Years Around The Sun coats its full-length debut, Inva De Siva, in multiple harmonic layers, the band also demonstrates a knack for crafting an infectious melody — 13 times over — while using minimalist instrumentation.

Boasting an amiable alternative sound similar to Pinback, dual vocalists Ronnie Dudek (guitar) and Dylan Raasch (bass) lay the groundwork for breezy pop jingles like “Roundabout,” lively rockers like “Failing at Art” and cosmic ballads like “The Empyrean Trail,” which is constructed of heartbeat percussion and a dissonant piano line that conjures ‘90s space rockers Failure in its spooky otherworldliness.

With much of the album driven by vocals, the nothing-flashy arrangements — somewhat mechanical bass, guitar, keyboard and percussion — suffer at times in the passive backseat. For example, “Soft Light Serenade” and “The Ghost” employ a robotic structure suggestive of a keyboard demo button.

Yet the band overcomes the moments lacking in instrumental grit with prize songwriting, most obviously on standout “Beyond The Waves,” where the singers meld into a yin yang contrast spotlighting the turbulence of life changes. The melancholy nostalgia of its verses hints at a ship lost at sea, leading into a lighthouse of a soaring chorus: “Oh in the night comes the rain / and I’m the one left spinning out / The lights will lead beyond the waves / as our heart-shaped ships set out / And some will break / but I’ll refrain / ‘Cause I believe we’ll make it back...” The persistent optimism permeating the lyrics complements Years Around The Sun’s aptitude for memorable songs that linger long after Inva De Siva ends. (Manaloft Records)

Published in West Coast Performer, May 2008

Word abuse: runs the gamut

British guy #1: "Say old chap, how's about another round of word doo doo?"

British guy #2: "Oi matey, let's have a go!"

British guy #1: "'Cheerio. 'Runs the gamut' is an evil cliche habitually molested by Yankee music journalists to suggest the range of genres a band infuses into its sound. It's a rather tired, awkward turn of phrase that should have been Rippered by Jack by now - but it inexplicably thrives, even in otherwise respectable publications.

It's hard to avert your eyes from this bloodbath:"

"The Oakland group’s debut EP runs the gamut from upbeat, danceable pop-rock (think new Brit rock/pop invasion without the attitude) to catchy punk (like a slightly softer version of The Vandals or Bad Religion) to languid, lamenting rock."

"Hardly old timey, but not jarringly revisionist, 'Sodajerk 2' runs the gamut of country hybrids"

"The range of influences among the five members of the band runs the gamut from classic rock to modern rock and even country."

"Here Oxbow’s versatility is the most prominent, as the song runs the gamut with stunning string arrangements, punctuated gauntlets and even bittersweet dreamscapes."

"The programming runs the gamut from big-name crowd-pleasers touring the European summer jazz festival circuit to concerts by artists whose only appearances on the continent are in Perugia."

British guy #2: "Hmmm. It is rather messy, i'nt it? Don't all artists 'run the gamut' of something or another? I mean, the phrase essentially points out that musicians really shouldn't be pigeonholed into particular genres because creativity and inspiration cannot be limited by categories."

British guy#1: "Word to your mother."

British guy #2: "And besides - have you ever actually heard someone drop 'runs the gamut' into an ordinary conversation? The death of this cliche is elementary, now isn't it my dear Watson?"