Sorry, Weezer: I'm passing on the cookies.

So I hate the Internet sometimes. It spoils us. Spoils. We are little brats who can't wait until an album is released before dipping our fingers in and taking a sweet lick. I mean, everybody knows that chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven won't taste as good as the dough we can't help but sample before the baking process. We perpetually fuck ourselves into losing situations. That's why I'm disappointed in myself for reading music blogs so much. Earlier this week, Stereogum deemed Weezer's latest endeavor, another self-titled affair known by the signature color on its cover, "Red," all but crap -- meaning I'll most likely pass on buying a copy when it's released Tuesday. Not that Stereogum knows all. It's just that deep down, I know they're right. Weezer really hasn't put out a good, or even OK, album for a solid 10 years. Especially not the one with "Beverly Hills." But I had hopes. Their newest single, "Pork and Beans," a bratty ("I'm 'a do the things that I want to / I ain't got a thing to prove to you"), pop rock three minute opus, hearkens back to the good old Blue days; like sugary salmonella-threatened cookie dough; my favorite new car jam. I even threw down 99 cents on iTunes. I'll still give the album a shot -- in free, online doses, though. My $12 is now reserved for the new Wolf Parade. Their cookies taste even better fully cooked.