Rant: Bring me the heads of scalpers

Looking for concert tickets to a sold-out show should be frustrating. Duh, obvious. But no part of browsing the Craigslist tickets for sale section pisses me off more than coming across one particular word in posts: offer. “Make me an offer.” “E-mail me your best offer.” It’s faux kindness is what it is. Offer, ha, what a nice inviting word for such a dirty act of greed. Let’s not pretend you are being generous and letting me name the price. You’re not fooling me, shitknocker. Here’s an offer: How about you sell me the tickets for face value, jackass? Then I won’t write you off as a supreme fucknut dickface who will one day be rimming satan's asshole within the burning confines of hell. Did you know that in Singapore a scalper is flogged 76 times before being fucked in the ass until it kills them?