Rant: 311's "Beautiful Disaster," the lyrical equivalent of a sweaty sock

A mentally disturbed cretin appears to be stalking me. For the past few days, the moment I jump in my car I notice this yahoo following me, tormenting me with the most foolish words I've ever heard. This omnipresent plague of humanity is none other than the 311 song "Beautiful Disaster." In an age when people can use their thoughts to change a TV channel and french fry oil can power a car, I don't understand how human intelligence could rubberstamp a song with lyrics as inane as 311's "Beautiful Disaster" for airplay. San Francisco modern rock station Live 105 plays it at least 105 times a day, seemingly every time I'm tuned in. It was originally released a decade ago. Hasn't enough music, good music, been released in the last 10 years to prevent this drivel from creeping onto the airwaves? Now, I acknowledge that much of what's on the radio is crap; but this song is pure scum, startling enough to merit an entire blog posting. While most of the lyrics are pukeworthy, a few phrases especially make me want to stab my eyes out with hot pokers, both because of their content and their delivery. For example: "I try to be not like that/but some people really suck." First of all, "I try to be not like that" doesn't make any sense. It's a gross defection from grammar and the English language, and isn't sung in a cool enough way to justify its glaring heresy. And please -the artistic freedom defense doesn't hold up here. I don't think "some people really suck," will ever masquerade within the realm of lyrical poetry. Check out what pops up in the final verse: "I try to be not like this/but i thought I'd make a good song." Brotha, whatchu doin'?!? You don't reference your thought process on songwriting within the song itself. Save it for another platform, buddy. But besides the asinine lyrics, lead singer Nick Hexum, who wrote this abomination, stretches out the last syllable in each line of verse to fit the music: "I might do that stuff if/it didn't make me feel like shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit." It's maddening! Just as he strains to sing the damn song, we the listeners must also strain to not stick aforementioned hot pokers into our ears as well. Answer me this: How did these lyrics sneak past so many checks and balances - other band members, producers, radio station personnel - and be deemed fit enough for mass consumption? Granted, I don't expect much from either 311 or FM radio. But how long must we put up with this garbage? What is it still doing on the radio today? Devolution is alive and kicking in '08.

List: Best get out of my dreams, get into my car, albums

Driving from San Francisco to L.A. down I-5 would be a whole lot shittier without a copious supply of top-notch music. Seriously - who wants to drown in a friend's blathering or choke on silence for the duration of that ride? To that end, I've discovered that certain bands sound even better when I'm enclosed in a mobile, speeding cage of metal. It could be strong memories or just a reflection of my insanity behind the wheel, but these works manage to shine through cruddy car speakers:

• Trans Am "The Surveillance" - Watch out when I'm on the road with Trans Am on full-blast. This electro post-rock magnum opus, with its pulsing beats and thrilling pace, beckons my pedal to the metal. Upon first blip, I mutate into an annoying, suicidal/homicidal racer who constantly weaves in and out of lanes. Bring on the Autobahn.

• Modest Mouse "Dashboard" - Though their latest record is a stinkbomb and this track blatantly screams "car song," optimistic lyrics ("Well, it would've been, could've been worse than you would ever know/Oh, the dashboard melted, but we still have the radio") and a bustling rhythm make this the perfect jam for a carefree outing. Those Modest Mousers sure know their geography pretty damn well. The 1996 release "This is a Long Drive for Someone with Nothing to Think About," 1997's "The Lonesome Crowded West" and 2000's "The Moon & Antarctica" also make for fine traveling companions.

• The Libertines "Up the Bracket" - What this Brit-punk classic lacks in length it makes up for in attitude. Hearing this gem, hammered with swagger, is kind of like driving drunk - minus the alcohol, jail sentence and $3,000 fine.

• Led Zeppelin "II" - Cars are hard, sexy and dangerous. So is Zeppelin. It's a match made in heaven, car commercials be damned. Their undeniably cool and timeless rock 'n' roll brilliance offers the perfect distraction to dismal stints in traffic, long red lights and women drivers (just a joke, kids). Listening to "II" transforms my blue '97 Corolla into a black '67 Mustang. Honorable mention: Yeah Yeah Yeahs "Show Your Bones."

• Spank Rock "YoYoYoYoYo" - Bump this album loud and feel like you're always on your way to a party. Along the same lines: LCD Soundsystem's self-titled, with star track "Daft Punk is Playing at My House," is electronica royalty.

• The Dandy Warhols "The Dandy Warhols Come Down" - When it's just you and I-5, the Dandy's pop tendencies will keep your brain wired while lush, whispery vocals trick your mind into beautifying the barren scenery. Splashes of country twang also complement the smell of the shitshacks, er, cattle ranches.

Just no Sublime, please.

Radiohead and the singing ghost

"Scotch mist - You thought that you saw something; you didn't; it was a track of the light, a phantasm, a spectre." Radiohead left their breakdancing backup dancers and sequined costumes stashed in the closet on New Year's Eve with an offering of "In Rainbows" tracks in their purest form, live from their Oxford studio. One of the highlights was getting to see Jonny Greenwood play the rare ondes Martenot close-up on "Jigsaw Falling Into Place." It's a fascinating device, electronic, invented in 1928 by French musician Maurice Martenot (ondes Martenot translates to "Martenot's waves"). It was inspired by its instrumental brother, the theremin (I saw this played at a rock show the other day). The ondes sounds like a singing ghost, or an angel. Get educated: Greenwood also plays the ondes on "How to Disappear Completely" and "Pyramid Song."

Show review: Form and Fate @ El Rio 1/5/08

A spell of wicked winter let up just as San Francisco's Form and Fate took to the stage of the Mission dive paradise El Rio on Jan. 5. As the city lay strewn in mangled fences and shredded trees following a Friday tempest, the five-piece bass/three guitars/drums combo proved a mighty force of their own as they crafted a brief but compelling set of all-instrumental post-rock. The genre has always had close ties to nature and weather - both build slowly and organically progress into an affecting and powerful climax - and Form and Fate brought the same unignorable presence of a storm into their loud but lush epic-length songs. Their music, still fresh to my ears besides a few MySpace samples, conjured a meatier Mogwai, metal heavy but also evoking the same dreamy and dramatic splendor. Touches of psychedelia and the avant-garde - guitarist Adam Myatt wielded a theremin during the first song which mimicked the shrill wail of a banshee - crept into the mix, coalescing into a colorful prism and alleviating black-and-white predictability. The band seemed to focus on rocking out rather than note-perfect technicality (they overtly faltered during a melody change on one song). But with their palpably intense energy, the end result was a shockingly impressive set by five talented Bay Area musicians. To check out: their latest EP "Recirc" and 2007 full-length "The Form and Fate of Lakes."

7 stunning concerts of '07

Wolf Parade @ Great American Music Hall 9/12 Tool, Trans Am @ Bill Graham Civic Auditorium 12/12 Isis @ Bimbos 4/6 TV on the Radio @ Fillmore 3/29 Man Man, The Sleeping States @ Slim's 10/25 Worker Bee, Silian Rail @ Gingerbread House, San Jose 11/9 Arcade Fire @ Greek Theatre, Berkeley 6/2